Is it better to have loved & lost..

than not to have loved at all?

i often ponder on this mushy ass bunch of mumbo-jumbo nonsense.

like, really.

like when i KNOW i loved that blue hair-band firmly, and then i proceed to misplace it, sometimes it is eaten by my handbag, sometimes it is whisked away by the monster (i suspect), sometimes it goes in the wash (and never comes out).

that little piece of paper on which i made my wish-list (of things to do, not things to buy. i like to believe that i can easily let go of things on my shopping list. because you know, not materialistic like that. or like to believe am not at least). where have you gone? i loved you really.

* important pieces of correspondence from my perfectly disorganised office avatar.

* even more important things such as our house deed (or similar).

* my passport.

* atm card (okay this one is super scary).

* that ear-ring that disappeared that day (possibly, it was flushed down the kitchen drain).

* laundry ka ek bill - ek kya, gadzillion laundry ka bills. so much so that my most favourite person in the wide world, my mumbai laundry uncle, gosh, i miss him, he told me not to bother, he would keep my bills, both copies, and i should just show up and collect my stuff when i remembered.

* half-read novel - of course a routine occurrence in a household that is overflowing with books. i thought for a second that Farhan Akhtar was really talking about my life, then i remembered that i don't wear silver. maybe i should. i bet someone thinks silver next t your skin improves memory. why not? if pink coloured magnets can increase your libido?

is it really better to have lost these things after having loved them? take for example, my passport. its always good for a laugh. you should see the picture in my first passport. you will chuckle, i promise you this. i totally love flipping through the pages and thinking about that unique smell in the streets of bangkok. or how i stopped and stared at them lighting incense at the road-side buddha shrine. that one time when i rode an auto back from mumbai airport because they did not allow me on the flight, at 3 am. the potatoes we ate in romania. the fun i had in edinburgh. i grimace at the schengen visa page from 2003 - just irritation at the german tendency to drink water 'mit gaas'. i liked it fine this time, but then i was preggo last time. heck man, i don't like to lose my passport. (i did find it, it was like right there, as usually happens. but it had taken a walk for a bit while i tore my hair out, walked up and down the stairs ten times, opened a billion drawers and so on, then it came back).

i think i need to concentrate more. today, i must resolve, for example, to not lose track of the following -

1. My hair clip thingie - this really pisses me off because then my hair is all over my face and that i really hate.

2. The blank check. Oh gosh, this is scary, please yaar take this off my hand. Maybe I should just send it across with my driver. Chal, let me do that.

3. My offer letter. I have to do so much paperwork to quit my mumbai stuff and to join here. And it all hinges on this piece of paper so its super annoying to constantly lose it (though its nice to find it again. I rub it longingly when that happens).

4. My sanity. This is critical. I used to tell csm LONG time ago, before he became the csm-farmer person that he is now (yeah!). Check on: mobile, wallet, sanity. These three things you must not leave behind. For me the sanity bit is especially critical. So. I love it. This sanity of mine.

To cut a long story short, no, its NOT better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. It is best to love just being organised with one's life. Yes, thats much better. First, I must start by cleaning my desk. If i can find it...