berry berry black

This one is for my husband. No matter, my other umm two readers can continue to read on. You won’t puke.

Dear Mr. Corpo Warrior-

I humbly dedicate to you this page of my writings and ramblings, and yes, to cut a long story short, my musings. Without you I would not write. Without your support, encouragement, and ‘I am telling you Kenny, just write’ I would not. So may I (humbly again) – ask that you schedule time on your calendar – the one that rivals POTUS’ in busy-ness – to have a glance at this, the page dedicated to you.

Just so it motivates you better, I now double dedicate the following review of ‘Who Moved My Blackberry?’ to you. What do you know? Perhaps reading my review will save you the trouble of reading the book itself!

*Review of Who Moved My Blackberry?*

(Note: All links that I had added are removed, to enable reading of this review easily on blackberrys)

The book is about the sordid love affair of Keri Tartt and Martin Lukes. Keri, without a single line of dialogue on-line, nevertheless manages to carry this book on her slender shoulders, because she is everything everyone wants to be. Meaning, she is from New Zealand, does not overtly support the All-Blacks, is a trained physiotherapist, and has embarked on a career as an assistant in a big global firm based on London, in order to further her aim of making babies. (Note: The baby issue is not highlighted in book, but it is obvious that the groping near the fire exit is meant for this higher purpose. After all, Keri is 29 years old).

Martin Lukes is a wonderful Director or Manager or some such in the big global firm based in London, who loves his mum too much, and is enamoured by the lushness of the golf course in Bangalore, India. Enamoured enough to learn to say Namaste, and to gift his assistant, no, not Keri, the other, fat, one, with a Sari.

Martin is married to Jenny who goes from being a PR something to very nearly the CEO of the big global company. Jenny is no good. Even when she is called Jens. She is one of those women – ugh- who want careers, run households with efficiency, retain their maiden names, are socially conscious and hire Au-Pairs called Svetlana for their twenty year old sons.

As the curtain falls on the stage set by this remarkable book, a remarkable twist of fate occurs. The black magic used by Pandora, Martin’s executive bronze coach, is finally effective, and Keri’s baby is transferred to Jenny’s womb. Although Jenny is – ugh – that kind of woman, and 46 years old. Keri, sorely disappointed by this turn of events, returns to New Zealand in a last ditch attempt to cultivate love for the All-Blacks.

In between, there are many insights into the working of the big global firm based in London, which are not important, except that they reiterate the tendency of such firms to make new words - the one in this case being "creovationTM". There are also many instances when Martin manages to get drunk enough to get seduced by Keri, little aware of her intention of stealing his sperm to have babies. Not to forget the extremely tense situation in which Martin’s delinquent twenty-year old steals his blackberry and writes some flowery emails pretending to be Martin. This is crucial because it gives the book its name.

Oh yeah, the book is written in the fascinating new language developed for Blackberrys. Thankfully, unlike SMS language, this allows spelling ‘see’ as ‘see’ and not ‘c’; ‘you’ as ‘you’ and not ‘u’. This I think is also a crucial thing - it sells blackberrys like nothing else can, at least to me. Four letter words, twisted out of shape and made longer because Martin and Lucy are British, are rampantly used. I would give examples here, but they are not allowed on my blog.

*End of Review of Who Moved My Blackberry?*

I sincerely hope that you have benefited from this. I request (humbly) that you leave me a comment – never mind if you don’t have an account here – use mine.

Yours Eternally etc.

Kenny(BunkPortMaine)