Friday, 9 May 2008

Monstrosities

I should really be working, but something ludwig said prompts me to write this. choxbox has previously expressed displeasure at my calling the monster monster. Here you go, my justification.

* It all started with airspy. Only she was not spying much those days. Was a straight forward single plaited girl in a green salwar kameez. Kids are monsters she was fond of saying. Her dislike of children was the stuff of college legend. She used to claim that she had three children locked up in a safe in a bank. I know, these things are politically incorrect now. Like you can look at me and go 'Hi Kenny' but you are forbidden from saying 'Hi Kenny... Oh! You are standing up, I thought you were sitting.' Like that. But in the early 90s political correctness was not big on our agenda. We called bald people bald, short people short, and fat people, well, fat. We called young looking people Kiddo, also.

* I was never one to say anything very bad about children. I have a young cousin whom I loved very much; even back when she was a rat-like baby a day old and smothered in kajal and stuff (who, it turns out, is a charming and beautiful adult now). I have other little girl cousins slightly older than her that I love quite a bit (but did not meet as often). Children in and out of my home were treated reasonably well by me, except for a brief year or so when I tried to scare them using my teeth braces and crazy hair to advantage. The younger sisters were always treated (I hope) well, indulged, fed, dropped to dance class and so on when I was old enough to do such things (since they occasional read here they can of course let the skeletons out of my closet and inform the junta about my ill-treatment :-)).

* Airspy went on to have her lovely little children, long before I even thought about it. Many of the other girls from college stepped in and met that challenge too. I was still wary of the whole thing. Until one fine day, the forces conspired and then I was finally mentally ready. Don't worry, corny lines won't show up here. :-)

* And then my sister had her children. I was bowled over in love with them. I adored the ground they walked on. I used to take like a hundred pictures every time I visited them. My husband loved them too. I guess we were just in that place in our adult life. When I was pregnantly fat (there I go again), I used to vaguely wonder if mine would be cute like those two. Was it even possible to exceed that cuteness, I used to wonder, looking at old pictures of the two of them and so on.

* I absolutely love and adore my little girl. I was fully expecting a boy (everyone had predicted as much, based on shape of tummy, my general ugliness during pregnancy etc.) but heart of hearts I wanted a girl. Which is this one. She has a very special name. She is named after two of her great-grand fathers. Both of whom we loved immensely. I cannot use that in this public space. Rather I don't want to. I can't get enough traction with other forms of endearment, it prevents the writing flow you can say. So I recalled the monster bit from college the instant I needed to refer to her here, and it stuck. Yes, its an 'endearment' - like you say sweetie pie, I say monster! (sloch used to call her brat) Of course, it helps a lot that she is quite monstrous in her behaviour. At least as she grows older, and we find ourselves in several more disagreements in our views on things. Many of them are my own making and fault, a something I admit to once in a while, but still there are these traits that she has...

* In conclusion, she is a monster and will be one till she is big enough to see eye to eye with me. Which should take a year or two at this rate. But when I call her on that I don't mean any harm so the animal rights type people needn't worry. At least I have not tapped into my scatological sense and used those names here. She is loads of fun to be around, I love hanging out with her. It is only difficult being her parent, cause her parent has to discipline her, scold her, listen to and answer her questions, and feed her. Those are hard things. I work really hard at them and therefore vent about it. So please, just go with it? Don't report me? Please?

12 comments:

Serious Lounger said...

well, the monster aint as monstrous as the twain i have - they are back home this weekend - i am excited and shuddering both simultaneously at that thought.. and the better half wants to manage both them brats alone on a flight.. i wouldnt take that risk, now would i?

SrgntPepper said...

kenny, don't sweat.. you are free to call the kid monster or devil or whatever. i spent a wknd with some 6-7 really nice kids running around. But frankly, they are a huge high maintenance thanks but no thanks pains in the ass. Not that my opinion matters, but I am very happy that you have chosen not to succumb to the standardized cloying nomenclature of sweetu and its other saccharine variations. Infact, I find it highly endearing..

so let everyone else go take a hike. and send monster along, that'll change their mind.

kbpm said...

ok first of all, srgntpepper is back our midst! Yaay!

sl- oh come on, you MISSED them. admit it. be a man. :-)
flights. oh god. yours throws up right. sounds like a crazy plan.

srgntpepper - see exactly what i am saying. the monster who danced into a sweaty heap in your wedding cannot be forgiven that easily. ludwig met her for like two hours (which he mostly spent drawing a big old mickey mouse). you have a lot more experience with her craziness. good boy. supporting me and all.

though, i do call her sweetie. in a barking sort of "SWEETIE STOP THAT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE OR ELSE" type of tone :-) :-)

csm said...

never occurred to me that 'monster' was anything but a term of endearment.
lwig has a devious mind and can hardly operate on trying to comprehend the ladies and their thinking.
btw - holly/bollywood are working overtime to make all original monsters/ogres cute.

Ludwig said...

Ah. So this is what (possibly amongst other things) is needed to get a rise out of Kenny. Good.

> We called young looking
> people Kiddo, also.

And if you think they've been OK with this, you've got another think coming.

> big enough to see
> eye to eye with me.

Ha, ha! This will last for approximately 2 weeks. Then she'll be taller than you (thanks, appa!) and will hopefully deal with you in a suitable manner.

> So please, just go with
> it? Don't report me?
> Please?

Awww. Cho chweet. OK :)

dipali said...

Monster is perfectly acceptable in my book! My dad called me Devil and Bhoot for donkeys' years- no scars!

kbpm said...

ok its settled then. monster it will remain.

choxbox said...

reserve my comments till i meet her (oh and you too) in coupla days. yoohoo.

(aminthestupidbusinesscentreofthisplaceandamfreezingastheairconis settominus273degreesCsoaminabigrushtogetouttahere).

Airspy said...

I am honoured! Thanks! Your monster is absolutely adorable.

Do you also remember calling unidentifiable human objects as Gl and Bl? Not to mention Vakr? (think thats kannada)

Laasya said...

Ummm...I don't remember you trying to scare us, ever. And both of you, eldest sisters of mine, were always very sweet and took me around on that grey coloured, "TVS Champ" moped quite a bit.But as you said, we didn't spend a lot of time together. So, no skeletons in here! :-D

Neha said...

no skeletons here, either! You took me to the cinema (my first time ever) on that TVS Champ, got me Coca Cola (or Pepsi?) and popcorn! And I remember you even took me to the museum a couple of times. And you helped me kill time when everyone else slept in the afternoon. How can I say anything against you? You've always been so much fun!

I don't remember the braces you claim you wore, though...

kbpm said...

i was 13-ish when i wore braces Neha. you were too young (were you even born?) to know about them. and also, i only scared annoying kids who visited us, would NEVER do that to you!!