What would it feel like? I wasn't thinking much about it. I guess its a big deal to complete a full marathon. And there were points in my training when I felt like it would be impossible. I still remember the numerous times I have run half marathons and noticed the full marathon kilometer markings - and thought - hell no, girl. That sounds insane! But when it came down to it, it wasn't insane. It was great! I am not saying I wasn't in pain. I was in pain for a good 1.5 hours of my race. But it was pain that gave me strength, oh well, its hard to explain.
Anyway when I hit the mat, I thought I would burst with happiness or do something crazy or something. When I did finish, I did NOTHING. I pulled out my phone (yes, I carried my phone, partly out of laziness to check it in, partly because my fuelbelt is A-awesome and you can carry a Nokia Eseries in it without jiggle, and well, yes, I was just a bit afraid). I called my husband and my mum, in that order. They seemed happy. I just felt...sweaty...and...deflated...a little bit. Happy, but not as happy I thought I would be.
On the previous day I slept in till late morning, and wasn't barely awake when my husband messaged me to say that he ran 10 kilometers in my honour. So big deal, eh? Well. Sift the facts. He hates running. He is an anti-runner. He woke up at 5am, got the child ready, dropped her at swimming, drove himself to the stadium and did TWENTY FIVE stadium loops to get to that. What does he hate the most about running? The boredom, he says. Well, I can just imagine how interesting that must've been. I mean, I would've liked it, I do run stadium loops once in a while, but still...
So that was there in my mind. And my training was in my head as well. I have had an imperceptible bodily change as well. I am now 'tighter' - I think thats the only way to describe it. I haven't lost any weight. I don't look better. I don't look happier or younger or any of that stuff. But I am tighter, no doubt. The marathon training has given me that. Not just the increased mileage, but the discipline. Diet-wise - I have been as erratic as ever so there is nothing from that. Anyhow, I could feel my strength & tightness in my middle even when I was in pain, but definitely for the first 30kms or so when everything was going super well. That felt good, and helped too. I counted. I thought about the child as I always do when I run long. I blanked my mind for quite a bit. I sang a bit when I liked the music. I danced a step or two once in a while...
What did I want most of all from this outing? Aside from meeting my goals. I wanted to be strong at the end. This is important for me. I HATE runs at the end of which I feel wasted. I do think I hold back a bit because of this but I am sure thats not what separates me from the podium folks. Its just that I am *not* that good a runner, and I am past my prime, all things considered. Why am I out there? Because I enjoy it. And it makes me feel good. And I love love love love training. Now, what should that training do for you? Make you be fucking strong. Thats what. Thats what I wanted. Despite the cramps and crappy last 8 km of my race, when I finished, I was strong. Mind & Body. And want to run it again soon - another important thing for me - this is not a bucket list item - its a lifestyle thing.
I wonder if this was bound to happen? My official timings don't show up on the site. Its not a 'she didn't step on one particular mat' issue. NONE of my mat timings are there which means my timing chip was faulty. THAT.. has been the hardest thing to deal with post-marathon. My legs are mostly recovered. I am feeling a bit fat already (yes, yes, this is normal) because of the sudden reduction in mileage and three extra rest days I have taken this week, but mostly, I am super depressed with the issue of the timing chip. I was pissed off at the bored looking kids at the expo who checked my chip for me - they seem to have checked ludwig's chip correctly - I handed them together - dammit. Now I am not pissed off, just plain depressed.
Anyway when I hit the mat, I thought I would burst with happiness or do something crazy or something. When I did finish, I did NOTHING. I pulled out my phone (yes, I carried my phone, partly out of laziness to check it in, partly because my fuelbelt is A-awesome and you can carry a Nokia Eseries in it without jiggle, and well, yes, I was just a bit afraid). I called my husband and my mum, in that order. They seemed happy. I just felt...sweaty...and...deflated...a little bit. Happy, but not as happy I thought I would be.
On the previous day I slept in till late morning, and wasn't barely awake when my husband messaged me to say that he ran 10 kilometers in my honour. So big deal, eh? Well. Sift the facts. He hates running. He is an anti-runner. He woke up at 5am, got the child ready, dropped her at swimming, drove himself to the stadium and did TWENTY FIVE stadium loops to get to that. What does he hate the most about running? The boredom, he says. Well, I can just imagine how interesting that must've been. I mean, I would've liked it, I do run stadium loops once in a while, but still...
So that was there in my mind. And my training was in my head as well. I have had an imperceptible bodily change as well. I am now 'tighter' - I think thats the only way to describe it. I haven't lost any weight. I don't look better. I don't look happier or younger or any of that stuff. But I am tighter, no doubt. The marathon training has given me that. Not just the increased mileage, but the discipline. Diet-wise - I have been as erratic as ever so there is nothing from that. Anyhow, I could feel my strength & tightness in my middle even when I was in pain, but definitely for the first 30kms or so when everything was going super well. That felt good, and helped too. I counted. I thought about the child as I always do when I run long. I blanked my mind for quite a bit. I sang a bit when I liked the music. I danced a step or two once in a while...
What did I want most of all from this outing? Aside from meeting my goals. I wanted to be strong at the end. This is important for me. I HATE runs at the end of which I feel wasted. I do think I hold back a bit because of this but I am sure thats not what separates me from the podium folks. Its just that I am *not* that good a runner, and I am past my prime, all things considered. Why am I out there? Because I enjoy it. And it makes me feel good. And I love love love love training. Now, what should that training do for you? Make you be fucking strong. Thats what. Thats what I wanted. Despite the cramps and crappy last 8 km of my race, when I finished, I was strong. Mind & Body. And want to run it again soon - another important thing for me - this is not a bucket list item - its a lifestyle thing.
I wonder if this was bound to happen? My official timings don't show up on the site. Its not a 'she didn't step on one particular mat' issue. NONE of my mat timings are there which means my timing chip was faulty. THAT.. has been the hardest thing to deal with post-marathon. My legs are mostly recovered. I am feeling a bit fat already (yes, yes, this is normal) because of the sudden reduction in mileage and three extra rest days I have taken this week, but mostly, I am super depressed with the issue of the timing chip. I was pissed off at the bored looking kids at the expo who checked my chip for me - they seem to have checked ludwig's chip correctly - I handed them together - dammit. Now I am not pissed off, just plain depressed.
1 comment:
I love love love your persistence, endurance, perseverance ... you go girl... i really really want to meet you and get some tips... i love to run too... but i hardly hve done anything about it... wanna start running half marathons....
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