Monday, 31 December 2007

Practically a God, or, The God of Washing

I wake up every morning and religiously offer my prayer to the toothbrush motor god. Sure, he is a minor god, an almost dispensable god. But he can whirr at the press of a button, and my teeth feel squeaky clean after he is done with them. For that, I am thankful to him, and offer him prayers. My next step is in the kitchen. Its early morning, the sky still dark outside, the birds quietly stretching out their wings and stifling yawns. The aquaguard water-purifier god awaits her turn. Cool, sweet, clean, non-germy water into my bottle, and really, my cup runs over with joy, and reverence. The red button on the stove to automatically produce fire, without the mess of matches or lighters, next up.

Thus into the day I plunge, offering my thanks and prayers to the various major gods and minor deities that hold me up, give me succour, make me happy. The purr of the car coming alive when I tuck in the ignition key and turn it; the squeaky pulsing noise of the lift making its way up to fetch me to my almost heavenly abode; the gush of the warm soothing water out of the tap for my bath; these are the sounds that assure me that god is with me.

The most favourite of all is the boxy, sturdy, gurgling god I have in the back-yard. Tut I flip the switch. Ka-Chak I open the door. I tumble in an assortment of sweaty, nasty clothes. Kirrrrk I turn the dial. Done. Within seconds the water fills in with a whoosh. The detergent gets sucked in, and an hour later, its a miracle! The clothes are washed. What a practical god! I am absolutely thankful to this god, my survival in his absence is doubtful. Yes, you will question how come I exchanged my favourite god? Come on, if an idol in a temple breaks don’t we surreptitiously, in the cover of the night, replace it with an unbroken one? Don’t we? If my washing god broke is it not my duty to send him away and replace him with another?

Yes now I know you question my piety, my dedication to my gods, possibly even my religion which has a current followership of one. What kind of religion permits replacement of gods? Who goes around calling mortal things gods? Who allowed things created by (wo)man to become gods? But hold on right there. I do. When the companion to the washing god, the dryer goddess was created, I went into paroxysms of joy. So what if it was a trifle ugly? Pristinely white, with a strength that belied both its gender and weight, this goddess was really something else. You would probably find it difficult to understand.

The general populace will only come close to understanding my beliefs when they think of a computer. The male, desktop version, and the female, laptop version. With their various companions. Rama, Sita, with their Hanuman and Vali and Sugreeva. Could you survive without them? What if I took away the mouse for a few days? Huh? The printer? The CD-ROM? Cannot survive? Thought so. Not having god in your everyday life is living the life of a pagan, is being doomed to circle the earth in the eternal cycle of life and death and re-birth. The sleek new desktop in my study, my bright blue laptop in my lap, the laser printer whose price has been steadily falling, making him affordable to one and all, the mouse, the keyboard, the data-card, the DVD-RW, the billions of bytes of RAM, I bow to you.

Today I celebrate the invention of a new god. A god with several replaceable arms, legs, and sundry other parts. You give him your dirty dishes. Now please do not complain about maintaining purity and not bringing your half-eaten vessels near god. Imagine the situation where you give your impure half-eaten vessels, and god himself, applying all the necessary rules, purifies them for you. Oh Dishwasher God! Where were you all these years?

6 comments:

AirSpy said...

Oh you GODget guru, you have indeed arrived, now that DW has arrived in your puja room.

Is that gadget with two hands and an optional third one that is impolitley 'telling' you the t.i.m.e even when not asked for, and indirectly minding all your other Gods evil or good?

kbpm said...

airspy-
i was kidding. no way in h*l* i will buy a DW!! i dont even have a microwave, despite everyone around acting as if life could not go on without it.
people have managed to foist on me a juicer, a toaster, a vacuum cleaner, etc. which i immensely regret already.
the t.i.m.e god is good. i got one free with subscription to India today, it tells me the time, day, date, & room temperature. i set every one of them to a different time, just to mix things up. so if its 1:00 in the bedroom its 1:05 in the living room, 1:10 on my mobile, and 1:15 in the wristwatch (I wear my husbands because the child is wearing both of mine as anklets)..

choxbox said...

kpbm, all (well most) of the gods you mention depend on the yelectricity supergod! what if that fails you?!

but hey lovely read. also dont get DW. makes you do >90% work and claims 100% credit. bah. btw i also chucked microwave in the basement - takes too much space for the work it does.

kbpm said...

choxbox-
DW no way. Where is the space, really for this thing? I find it hilarious that they would introduce it in India. Electricity now, well it motivates me sort of to pick up on my research work in energy!! India is really poised to break-through, partly in a good way because everyone seems to be thinking non-conventional; but partly in a bad way because there are just too many automobiles on the roads.....

choxbox said...

who knows kbpm? mebbe indians will figure out a way to overcome the automobile issue too. after all a lot of issues that seemed impossible to crack some years ago have been at least stopped in their tracks and are beginning to improve - can think of delhi pollution for example.

madrasi said...

O mad preeti. This is why I love you...